Here at Switch, we believe Thanksgiving is what you make it. Sure, it can be a stressful preface to the yuletide season – too many people brought pie, your roommate is hogging the oven for his “Friendsgiving,” etc. etc. But really, if you’re lucky enough to be in the presence of family or friends this season, embrace it. All of it.

A positive attitude will help keep your spirits bright – as will some help from us. Today, in honor of the eight original American colonies (don’t Google that), we are excited to arm you with eight tried-and-true tips from our Sr. Digital Producer, Brad Lucas and Copywriter, Brendan Corcoran to not just survive – but thrive – at Thanksgiving 2014.

Number 1: Put a simple house rule in place.

If you suspect you’re in for a grueling holiday, do what any smart comedy club has done since the invention of the brick wall background: Enforce a two drink minimum for all patrons. It loosens the crowd, amps up the sentiment, and can spin even the most groan-worthy statements into fun, lighthearted larks. Of course, we ask you always enjoy responsibly, and would never insist this is absolutely necessary… but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary.

Number 2: Stalk ‘em on social media.

People generally enjoy talking about themselves – so if you want to be a smooth conversationalist this Thanksgiving, preparation is key. Take a few minutes to peruse your Aunt Joan’s Facebook page – and behold the plethora of small talk starters. Write down your findings. She was recently tagged at an airport? Write down “trip.” Your cousin has a new job? Write. It. Down. You might have to brace yourself for some major scrolling action to breach a wall of memes. But it’s worth the effort. And you’ll remember why you hid them from your news feed. Break out the notebook in between bites of green bean casserole to comment on your Uncle’s new interest in Shetland Ponies. He’ll be tickled pink.

Number 3: Never ask questions that can be answered simply with a “yes” or “no.”

Turkey takes a long time to cook. Part of your job as a Thanksgiving attendee is to help fill up the empty spaces with small talk – so avoid asking questions that can be addressed with a one-word response. Instead of asking “Hey Mike, didn’t you get dumped?” phrase it like “Hey Mike, how’s the single life?” I mean – you know he was dumped. Everyone knows.

Number 4: Don’t ask questions that can have religious or political responses.

So in other words… Maybe “yes” or “no” questions aren’t all that bad. Start with “Who needs a refill?”

Number 5: Comment on how people look

Good: “Aunt June, your tan looks great! How was Cabo?”
Bad: “Good to see you, Tiffany! Are you pregnant?”
Good: “Dan, I love your blazer. Is that herringbone?”
Bad: “What happened to your face?”

Number 6: No one is pregnant.

…Unless they specifically walk up to you and say “I’m pregnant.” Or clink their glass and announce it at the table. Even then, you should deny it. Just don’t go there.

Number 7: If all else fails…

Show up with a Crave Case ™. Your family will not appreciate it at first. Just telling it like it is. But a few hours post-turkey, a little snack will be welcomed. Keep it 2/3 no cheese and 1/3 cheese.

Number 8: Share a little history trivia.

While Thanksgiving had been celebrated since 1789 in the East Coast, it wasn’t until President Lincoln declared it to be a national holiday in 1863 that the tradition spread across the nation. Interestingly enough, our country was in the middle of a civil war when Lincoln chose to designate a holiday during which to give thanks for the things and people in our lives. Gratitude is always appropriate.

We hope you have a joyous Thanksgiving. Have fun and be safe.